You may be sitting there wondering to yourself…”Does this girl really have anything important to fucking say?”
Maybe I do, but probably not.
I just wanted to start a world of my own and get my thoughts out there. You can chose to read it or not, up to you. I’m not going to spend the extra time sprucing up my grammar, or digging through the thesaurus for those big fancy words. Hell no! So just enjoy it, maybe get a few laughs out and move on with your day.
I’ve spent the past 7 years working in the hospitality/entertainment industry and I have come to one final conclusion. A customer believes, for some god forsaken reason, that if they are tipping you…they own your soul. ’I need this…give me that…do this…do that’ are the orders barked at me. At that moment I can feel the ping of anxiety balling up in my chest. The more they are rude to me, I honestly feel like my skin will start to turn green and my clothes tear away from my now enlarged muscles. What makes people act this way? Is it really that hard to say…PLEASE? From now on, if someone asks me to do something at my bartending gig, I will stand there silently waiting until they say ‘please’. I wonder how long it would take for the asshole to figure it out? Let’s find out…
If you have ever worked in a restaurant, I am sure you are totally aware of the antics that go on behind the kitchen door. Haven’t worked in one before? Rent a movie called ‘Waiting’…that will give you some perfect insight on what happens.
The perfect antiquing: I have mastered this technique when I worked at a restaurant that specialized in chicken wings. Now to get it perfect every time, you need a partner in crime. Someone who is just as fucked in the head as you are, and you will be surprised how willing the majority of the staff is when it comes to pranks. Got your right-hand man? Good. One person stands with a pitcher of water, the other with a box (or bag) of flour. Hide somewhere and call the poor bastard over who is about to get it and wait patiently. This is where you need to be the smarter prankster. Make your patsy throw the flour, and I will tell you why. Because the person you are antiquing will initially attack the last person. So once you toss the water on your victim, run for your life. You get in and get out…just like a stealthy ninja.
Fresh meat: I love this part for sure. Whenever there is a new employee, it is customary to fuck with them. It happens to everyone so don’t be embarrassed if you get pranked. Even I was screwed with…believe it or not. I remember so many funny days, when a manager would tell a sweet naïve girl who was fresh out of high school…to empty out all of the hot water from the industrial coffee pot. If you haven’t seen them, the water line is connected directly into the pot which allows an endless supply of scalding hot water. He left her alone for over an hour…watching her on the camera and laughing as pitcher after pitcher of hot water was being dumped down the sink. The pure frustration on her face was priceless.
I’ve heard of some pretty great ones…this poor guy had to go into the walk-in coolers and using only a trash bag, had to bag up the ‘bad air’ and let it out outside. Or the time two unsuspecting girls were asked to feed the oysters, which were kept in the freezer, with ground up pieces of oyster crackers. I have a ton of these stories, but I won’t go there today.
Honestly, all I am really trying to say is that people who decide to go dine out or just have a few cocktails…take the time to understand that the person bringing your food or shaking that martini just the way you like it, is a HUMAN BEING. Also, if you cannot afford to get what you want, and leave a 15-20 percent gratuity…stay home! We really don’t care if you come in at that point. Ordering your dollar beer at happy hour, complaining that you haven’t gotten FREE bread in an instant, smoking on the patio while putting the cigarettes out on the floor instead of the ash tray that was available to you on your table…and with all of that mess, you are tipping me in pennies and dimes. Get the fuck out of here…
I have a lot of respect for anyone who works in the nightlife setting. You have to put up with a lot of bullshit all the time. Disrespectful patrons who are just trying to get a free meal/drink, trouble makers who start and carryout fights(possibly using a weapon of some sort), long grueling hours on your feet, driving home at the crack of dawn while barely keeping your eyes open…it’s a tough life. It’s not all bad though, it can be very rewarding. The money is great, especially when it’s cash in hand! You spend so much time meeting people and networking, that you are able to go anywhere and get the best seats, drinks, food…anything. You need tickets to the Redskins game? Oh yeah, I know a guy with season tickets a few rows back from the 50 yard line. Want to get into the VIP club who only lets exclusive members inside? Sure, I know the bartender and the bouncers…we are in. Concert tickets? I know this guy who runs the pavilion. It’s almost as if I was some sort of drug dealer, only minus the drugs. Just call me the Entertainment Dealer…that sounds a lot better.
So if you are ever considering a job in this field, know that it can be very demanding. Long hours, shitty pay checks, never sitting down, and dealing with creeps. But, you will have a lot of perks like I mentioned above. You also get to party with people, even though you aren’t drinking, and get PAID for it. I believe that everyone should wait tables or bartend at least once in their lives so that they can finally gain just a tiny bit of respect for us. Thank you, that is all for today.
-Stevhe
and I thought my job was hard.
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